Resilience vs. Receptivity
A few weeks ago, I wrote about resilience after watching the Knicks’ incredible comeback win which reminded me that:
Sometimes resilience is learning how to survive the unexpected.
And sometimes resilience is learning how to expect more from life.
Resilience came up for me again this week whenI realized I was feeling a particular kind of tired—the kind that comes from always being the one generating the momentum.
As a solopreneur, so much of my life requires me to create. If I want something to happen, I initiate it. I dream it, plan it, build it, follow through, adjust, and keep going.
And there is so much I cherish about that.
I genuinely love that I trust myself. I love knowing that if there is something I want, I will do the work to create it. Whatever it takes.
There is a confidence that comes from knowing you can rely on yourself.
The question I’m sitting with now isn’t whether I trust myself to create what I want.
I do.
It’s whether I trust life enough to let some of it come to me.
As I sat with that question, I realized something else.
There is so much that’s beautiful about resilience.
It has helped me adapt.
It has helped me recover.
It has helped me move through difficult seasons.
And I know I’m not the only one.
But every strength, even resilience, has a shadow if it becomes our only mode.
The shadow of resilience is that we can become SO skilled at handling things that we feel like we are the ones holding everything together.
We become...
The person who anticipates needs before they’re expressed.
The person who finds the solution.
The person who creates the experience.
The person who keeps everything moving.
The person who says, “It’s okay. I’ve got it.”
And eventually, we may not even notice how often we are the one keeping the light on.
That’s how I was feeling earlier this week.
I was feeling weary from being the one who always has to tend the flame.
In that moment I realized what gave me a sense of lightness was the idea of life bringing me a little light for a change.
For me, this isn’t about wanting to stop creating. It’s not about giving up the parts of myself that are capable, driven, or resourceful.
It’s about expanding resilience to include something else.
Receptivity.
Resilience asks:
How do I meet what life gives me?
Receptivity asks:
How do I allow life to meet me?
And I think this is where many of us get uncomfortable.
Receiving requires something that creating doesn’t always require: Uncertainty
When we create, we have a plan. We have effort. We have action. We have a sense that if we do our part, we can influence the outcome.
Receiving asks us to leave space for something we didn’t orchestrate.
It asks us to consider:
What if I don’t have to anticipate every need?
What if I don’t have to be the one to initiate every meaningful connection?
What if support, love, ease, delight, or opportunity could find me without me first making it happen?
I think many of us resist receptivity not because we don’t want to receive, but because we have spent years learning that our effort creates safety.
Our ability to adapt has protected us.
Our resilience has carried us.
Our competence has served us.
But maybe the next evolution isn’t becoming even better at carrying everything.
Maybe it’s becoming more willing to let ourselves be carried.
After a lifetime of proving that we can create the life we want, perhaps the next question is:
Can we allow ourselves to experience the magic of being met by life, too?
Not because we are incapable.
Not because we have stopped being resilient.
But because we are open to a different kind of strength.
The kind that knows when to reach.
And the kind that knows when to receive.
