How to handle when reality exceeds your expectations
A few weeks ago, I remember saying to a friend that life kept feeling harder than I expected it to.
The weather forecast would predict sunshine, and than it would rain.
I thought I would wake up with good energy, and instead I would be exhausted.
Little things kept taking longer than expected.
Nothing was terrible. It just felt like reality kept falling slightly short of what I expected.
And then this past week was the COMPLETE opposite.
My college bestie came to town last weekend for our annual girls’ weekend. Before she arrived, we had had a conversation and voiced some anxieties about several realistic scenarios that might negatively impact our weekend.
Despite those possibilities, we decided to stick to our plans and trust that things would work out and we'd roll with whatever happened.
In the end, the weather was even more gorgeous than predicted.
The rooftop cabana, cooling pool time and frosé under the summer sun were perfectly relaxing.
Our long, late night conversations were nourishing.
And when the weekend ended, neither of us felt nearly as depleted as we had anticipated.
I was pleasantly surprised but also hesitant to trust that it would last based on my previous experience.
I decided not to go into “hibernation + recovery mode” for the week as I had originally planned and instead…
I went to a rooftop Knicks watch party.
I accepted a last-minute invitation to a jazz club.
I went to the sauna.
I stayed up to watch another Knicks game.
Oh, and yes, I also managed to work and keep up with adulting and life tasks. :-)
Through everything I kept waiting for the moment when I’d feel like I’d pushed myself too far.
I was expecting there would have to come a moment where I would “pay for it.”
It made me realize how often our brains assumes a particular ending to the story, and most often one that is negative.
Not because we’re pessimistic, but simply because we’re human.
Our brains are wired with a negativity bias that helps us scan for problems, anticipate risks, and tries to protect us from disappointment.
While that has it’s purpose, if we’re constantly rehearsing what might go wrong, it becomes hard to imagine what might go right.
And even harder to trust that it can and recognize it when it actually does.
Wednesday night’s Knicks game gave the entire city it's own version of trusting that reality can exceed our expectations.
For almost the entire game they were losing. Badly.
They were down by nearly 30 points at one point and everyone from the announcers to the stadium full of people assumed a loss was inevitable.
Not only did they manage to erase the deficit, they pulled off the historic and unprecedented win! 🏀 💙 🧡
As I ran errands the next morning the city collectively seemed to be in a good mood. Everyone was kinder, chattier, more connected.
I realize it wasn’t just about the comeback itself, but a rare experience where a massive community simultaneously had a moment where reality exceeded their expectations.
Uncertainty has a way of convincing us that we already know how the story ends.
And in truth, we don’t.
Resilience isn’t just the ability to get through difficult outcomes.
It's learning not to mistake our predictions for a guaranteed story ending.
To stay open to better possibilities than the ones our fear has anticipated.
And to remember that sometimes reality has a way of exceeding our expectations.
