Earlier this month, I made a "silly" agreement with myself.
There was something I wanted to buy. Nothing particularly extravagant, just a little treat that would bring me some pleasure. And thanks to a special offer, I had an opportunity to purchase it at a discount, but only thru the end of the month.
My agreement: If I accumulated enough rewards through an app I’d recently started using, I’d put them towarda buying myself that treat.
Simple enough, right?
Except when the time came, and I actually surprised myself by meeting the conditions I’d set, I started reconsidering.
Maybe I should save the rewards.
Maybe there was something more practical I could spend them on.
Maybe I should hold on to them.
And suddenly, I realized I was doing something I’ve caught myself doing before.
Moving the goalposts.
I’d established the conditions under which I could allow myself something I wanted. And then, when those conditions were met, I started creating new ones.
It’s an interesting thing we do, isn’t it?
We tell ourselves we’ll relax when the work is finished.
We’ll celebrate when we reach a particular milestone.
We’ll take the vacation when we have enough money.
We’ll finally let ourselves enjoy life once we’ve retired.
But then we reach the very milestone we’ve been waiting for.
And somehow, there’s another reason to wait.
Another responsibility that needs our attention.
Another condition that needs to be met.
Another reason why now isn’t quite the right time.
The last few weeks of my life have been filled with unexpected opportunities, invitations, and experiences. And while it’s been wonderful, and honestly downright fun...
I’ve also noticed some interesting questions beginning to surface.
How long can this continue?
Is it too much?
Shouldn’t I be getting "back to work"?
At what point do I need to return to “real life”?
As though enjoying life, receiving generosity, and allowing things to unfold with a little more ease somehow exists outside of real life.
Our brains are constantly using past experiences to predict what comes next.
When we’re accustomed to working hard, managing responsibilities, and anticipating what might go wrong, experiencing something different can feel unfamiliar.
Even when that something different is good.
And sometimes, without realizing it, we begin reaching for familiar patterns.
Instead of leaving a little space, we fill the unexpected opening in our schedule.
Instead of asking ourselves what we want to do, we find another task that needs to be accomplished.
Instead of celebrating the arrival of something we’ve been looking forward to, we create another reason to postpone it, pushing it to some unknown future date.
And that’s what's been so interesting about this experience for me.
It wasn’t so much about the treat itself, it was about recognizing how easily I could talk myself out of something I’d already decided I wanted, even after I’d done the work to create the circumstances that would allow me to enjoy it.
How often we do this in other areas of our lives?
If we’re willing to move the goalposts on something small, where else might we be doing the same thing?
How often do we put someone else’s needs ahead of our own, even when we’ve already made a commitment to ourselves?
How often do we decide that what we’ve accomplished isn’t quite enough, because there’s always something more we could be doing?
How often do we postpone our own enjoyment, not because we truly need to, but because we’ve become so accustomed to finding reasons to wait?
The way we show up for ourselves in small decisions may offer some insight into how we’re showing up for ourselves in bigger ones.
Is there something you’ve already given yourself permission to enjoy, pursue, or prioritize, only to find yourself creating another reason to wait?
And what might happen if, instead of adding another condition, you simply honored the agreement you’d already made with yourself?
