Last Friday evening, I was sitting in Shabbat services and I was surprised to learn a friend was receiving a blessing for her upcoming wedding and I thought, “It would be so much fun to be there!”
Then I remembered that “upcoming” probably meant very soon and invitations would have gone out long ago.
I felt a little disappointed, but completely understood. After the service, I congratulated her with so much genuine excitement and enthusiasm for this new phase of her life.
I laughed the next morning when I read a text from her inviting me to the wedding.
A wedding that was less than 36 hours away...
I was surprised, honored, and delighted to be included at the last minute.
And then my logistical brain said… Wait.
I had a cascade of thoughts that looked something like:
What would I wear?
How would I get there?
How much would transportation cost?
Would there be food I could eat with my dietary restrictions?
Would I know anyone? Most likely not so...
would it be awkward?
And with a full week ahead, what would this mean for my energy and everything I’d planned to get done?
Do you ever do that?
An opportunity becomes available, and almost immediately you’re thinking about everything it might require of you. Seeing it for all the reasons it could be a potential burden instead of a blessing.
I knew I wanted to go, to take advantage of the opportunity and view it as the blessing that it was. So I went through the process of doing what I call “getting myself on board.”
For me, that means making choices that help me feel good about what I’m saying yes to. So that I can show up fully and completely.
In truth the process is there to help my nervous system feel comfortable with something unfamiliar. Giving myself reassurance that I've thought through things and can take care of myself and my needs, even when I don’t know exactly how everything will unfold.
Getting our nervous system on board helps us feel comfortable enough to welcome in the unexpected and actually experience it with presence and enjoyment, instead of white-knuckling through it or clenching our jaw until it’s over.
For example, if I spent far more than I was comfortable spending on transportation, that stress would come home with me and dampen the overall experience.
If I treated everything on my calendar as immovable, I’d spend the evening worrying about how tired I might be for my commitments the next day and it would detract from my presence in the moment.
So I worked through the pieces I could.
I decided to take the train there instead of a car.
I gave myself permission to leave when I was ready and forgo the after party. (Spoiler Alert: I went).
I reminded myself that I’ve gone to weddings alone before, and that meeting new people is something I do all the time.
I also started making room for the possibility that I might need more rest afterward, and that a few things on my list could wait.
I was still a little anxious when I left. But the choices I’d made helped me feel calm and confident enough to be on board with my yes.
And as the evening unfolded, I became more comfortable.
The train ride went smoothly without delays.
The walk from the train was easy.
I made friends with another wedding guest when we met in the bathroom almost immediately after I arrived.
There were a few awkward minutes before the ceremony when everyone seemed to be greeting someone they knew, and I was standing by myself. But then I was welcomed into a conversation near me and ended up sitting with those people and spending much of cocktail hour with them.
I met so many lovely people, danced, laughed, and had so much fun celebrating my friend.
Looking back, I can see how easily my concerns about what the evening might cost me—in money, energy, or time—could have taken up more space than my desire to be there.
How these concerns could have turned into reasons to say no instead of yes.
To limit myself and the experiences of something I wanted to be a part of.
But instead I allowed it to be a practice in trusting myself to plan for the parts I could control and handle the parts I couldn’t anticipate.
To be flexible and adjust my plans.
And to have compassion for myself in the moments I didn’t navigate perfectly or exactly as I would have liked.
In the days after the wedding, I was surprised and delighted to see other unexpected opportunities start showing up.
✨A friend offered me a free ticket to see Harry Styles.
✨I heard back about a study I’d applied for, letting me know I was chosen even though it had initially said I was not a match.
✨And a new prospective client responded indicating they want to move forward.
What struck me was that these opportunities were arriving while I was tired, adjusting my plans, and reflecting on things I wished I’d handled differently.
It helped me honor that I could be an imperfect person, having an imperfect week, and good things could still come my way.
It made me wonder how often we wish for something or get an opportunity and then hesitate when it arrives because we’re unsure how we’ll handle everything that comes with it.
For now I’m having fun staying curious and seeing what else might unexpectedly come my way. 🤗
