Why open loops feel so draining—and how to enjoy the present
For me, September rolled straight from Labor Day and the end of summer into the start of the month-long Jewish High Holiday season. Since it’s an incredibly meaningful—and also somewhat emotionally intense— season, I decided I wanted to give myself the space to be present with the holidays and the experience.
That meant setting aside a lot of those little tasks that need doing and tending to in order to keep life flowing smoothly.
Now that the holidays are over, I’ve been getting back to giving attention to all of those things. And suddenly, it feels like there’s something asking for my attention everywhere I look.
Business opportunities I want to move forward.
Bills that need to be paid.
Apartment projects to tackle.
I’ll make progress on one thing and remember three others. 😂
By the evening, even when I’ve accomplished quite a bit, I find myself wanting to cross just one more thing off the list while I’m also trying to wind down and let myself relax.
Sound familiar?
The unfinished tasks, pending decisions, and things we intend to come back to are what we often call open loops.
And this week, I’ve been struck by the irony of them.
So much of what’s asking for my attention reflects an abundance in my life.
Work I care about and am blessed to call work.
Opportunities I’m genuinely excited about.
A home I love to tend to.
Possibilities I'm curious to explore.
Yet that abundance can leave me feeling a surprising amount of lack.
Not enough time.
Not enough energy.
Not enough accomplished.
Not enough spaciousness to simply enjoy my evening.
It made me wonder, why do open loops feel so draining?
Research has found that unfinished goals can keep coming back into our thoughts and pull attention away from whatever we’re doing, even when we’re no longer actively working on them. That can make these unfinished things still feel present, even when we’ve stepped away from our to-do list.
You might be sitting down to dinner, but part of your attention is still on the email you haven’t sent, the decision you haven’t made, or the project you want to finish.
I quickly realized how much that constant feeling of hustle and grind was detracting from my enjoyment of the present this week.
I was failing to notice the leaves beginning to change.
Or enjoy a sunny walk between sessions.
Or the peace of sitting down to dinner without mentally working through what I could get done afterward.
The answer is not to close all the open loops.
Or shrink our lives to be smaller so that we have less loops to tend to.
We can appreciate having these things in our lives and still feel stretched by everything involved in tending to them.
We can celebrate the open loops we’ve closed today, know there are others we’ll tend to tomorrow, and appreciate that some will have to take priority later.
And we can give ourselves space to enjoy this evening, trusting that the progress we've made has made a difference and the results will continue to unfold in the days to come.
