Experiencing too many feelings? Try this…
I don't know about you, but this has been a week of ALL the feelings for me. It's been a bit of an emotional rollercoaster with lots of very high highs and a few lonely lows. And I've been there for it all.
Society often talks about the importance of being present with our emotions and admits that emotional presence takes practice.
You know what else takes practice? Being able to let go of our emotions.
There are a few reasons our brains get very attached to our emotions.
1. Our emotions often get interwoven in with the situations or people they occurred with until it can become hard to untangle all the threads.
2. Our brains begin to falsely believe that our emotions are part of our identity. That they make up the fabric of who we are instead of just a state of being that is easily changeable.
A practice that I find incredibly helpful for both practicing presence with my emotions AND letting them go is called the “90-second rule”, which was popularized by neuroanatomist Dr. Jill Bolte Taylor.
The Science Behind the 90 Second Rule
When an emotion is triggered, a chemical reaction happens in the brain and body — stress hormones like cortisol and adrenaline surge, heart rate changes, muscles tense, etc. That biochemical wave lasts about 90 seconds.
If you fully allow the emotion it will naturally rise, peak, and pass within that window.
What keeps emotions lingering is when we re-trigger them by the thoughts and stories we associate with them. For example, replaying what happened in our mind, judging ourselves for what we said or did, or resisting the feeling altogether.
This means that if we can actually ride the wave of the emotion for 90 seconds the emotion will be complete.
A 90-Second Practice to Process Any Emotion
(Seriously, set a timer so you can see just how quickly the process can go):
Pause. Notice you’ve been emotionally triggered — name the emotion if you can (“anger,” “sadness,” “shame”).
Breathe. Take slow, steady breaths. Feel the physical sensations in your body without judging or analyzing them.
Observe. Stay curious: Where do I feel this? Is it hot, tight, heavy?
Allow. Let the wave move through you. Trust it will pass in about 90 seconds.
Release. When the intensity lessens, take one deep exhale and gently reorient — maybe place a hand on your heart or say, “I’m okay now.”
For all my fixers out there, here's a great reminder from Dr. Hilary Jacobs Hendel,“Emotions are not problems to be solved, but waves to be ridden.”
You don't need to fix or change your emotions. You just need to ride the waves.
